Thursday, April 9, 2009

Mr. Goodwrench goes to Washington, and has a stop over in Ottawa


Mr. Speaker: I would like to introduce my new stimulus bill entitled" Nine Month Lube, Oil and Filter Fairness Plan".

This bill will ensure that the costs of automotive maintenance and repair are not unfairly shifted onto the shoulders of the average working Canadian and our seniors and pensioners. This bill will level the playing field between GM and Chrysler, who are a couple of totally inept businesses, and the foreign imports like BMW, Mercedes, Honda and Toyota. Starting at noon today, we will begin taxing these foreign imports at the rate of 31.5% in order to level the playing field and in order to foster the lame status quo. There is no reason why Canadians should be free, or even be allowed, to acquire those vehicles that better suit their needs or that are better examples of responsible management doing the responsible thing.

I have received advice on this measure from every corporate lobbyist that ever walked the halls of Parliament. This measure has been endorsed by the secretive members of the CCCE (Canadian Council of Co-Conspiring Executives).

In addition I am pleased to tell the House that in a secret noon meeting today, I met with and received the blessing of the Leader of the Newly Duped Party of Canada, Jack L'ATM fee.

The CAW has also spoken out on the need to tax all foreign made vehicles at the rate of 31.5% in order to make our economy less competitive and to provide consumers and investors with less choices to make. We have it on good advice from them, and their adviser, DUI Consultants, that BMW and Mercedes are simply grande ponzi schemes. This is supported by the fact that they must be doing something illegal if they are able to keep pumping out high quality vehicles that everyone seems to want to own.

Our Oil Lube and Filter Implementation Bill will consist of printing false and spurious claims that foreign made vehicles pollute our roads and highways with highly toxic trails of oil leakage that is harmful to every living animal on the planet. We have engaged the services of Terry Corcoran of the National Post and Eric Reguly of the Globe to help us propagate these lies. Any one standing in the way of their trail of BS will either be vaporized or encased in concrete, as they often have called for in past articles written under similar circumstances where their readers were seeking the truth, something that is to be avoided at all costs.

We need not worry about the Toronto Star, as they have their own agenda to kill the foreign made vehicles, given that their parent company is a GM design of its own.

This Lube Oil and Filter measure will be tacked onto the Budget, that if not past, will see 1 in 3 Canadians without work or food to put on their table. As such, none of evidence supporting the lube Oil and Filter Bill will be made public or made available to any of the 308 members of this Parliament who ostensibly are here to represent Canadians and to ensure democratic processes are followed.

We will now put this bill to a vote.

Thank you Mr, Speaker.

The Right Honorable Mr. Stephen Goodwrench

3 comments:

CAITI said...

Jim Flaherty: Body by Fisher - Brains by Mattel.

Carswell

Anonymous said...

Srephen Harper: Has the intellectual capacity of an Allen wrench.

Dr Mike said...

Did I hear something about "Fairness"??

Fairness is really "good" isn`t it??

Steve is my hero.

Notttttttttttttt.

Dr Mike